Green Horn

GREEN HORN
BJ CRISOSTOMO

CHARACTERS:
Lillian, an experienced female porn star; of course dressed for the part
Dick, a first time porn star; of course dressed for the part

SETTING:
A waiting room in a porn studio. There are but two waiting chairs, a closed door and a sign that says, “Wait until called by the director.”

DICK:
So you’re here for the (Fidgets around his seat.)—

LILLIAN:
Yes(while stretching her legs. The director has the prerogative to make her do anything he/she wants. Have fun).

DICK:
First time?

LILLIAN:
No. I’ve done quite a few. (Stretches down so low that Dick, as his name suggests, steals a glance at her ass.)

DICK:
Nervous?

LILLIAN:
Nope. It comes naturally (Catches Dick. Points at Dick’s crotch which is currently finding the courage to break free).

DICK:
My name’s —

LILLIAN:
What’s with all this talking?

DICK:
I thought that we should at least get to know each other if we’re going to do it.

LILLIAN:
“It?” For god’s sake, they’re going to film us and you can’t even say the word.

DICK:
Sex! Fuck! (Apologetically) OK?

LILLIAN:
You don’t have to shout.

DICK:
Sorry. Just a little jittery. First time, you know.

LILLIAN:
First shoot? Don’t worry. It’s easy. Just close your eyes and pretend I’m somebody else.

DICK:
No. I mean first…

LILLIAN:
This is your first time?

DICK:
Let’s not talk about it.

LILLIAN:
Isn’t that cute. (Plays with Dick’s cheeks. The ones on the face.) Baby boy, I’ll take care of you. Want a little milk from mamma?

DICK:
That’s not funny.

LILLIAN:
No. I mean first…

DICK:
Yup.

LILLIAN:
This is your first time?

DICK:
Let’s not talk about it.

LILLIAN:
Isn’t that cute. Baby boy, I’ll take care of you. Want a little milk from mamma?

DICK:
That’s not funny.

LILLIAN:
You’re lucky, at least your first’s a pro.

DICK:
My first’s a whore.

LILLIAN:
Look who’s talking. Shouldn’t you be feeling up high school girls?

DICK:
I’m doing this for…

LILLIAN:
Hey! No reasons. No names. No consequences.

DICK:
But could I at least get your name. I mean, I don’t want to have a feeling I’m doing a stranger.

LILLIAN:
Tell you what, my screen names Lillian.

DICK:
Lillian?

LILLIAN:
Yup. Remember to lick your lips with the L’s. Like this: LILLIAN (Does the L’s). What’s yours?

DICK:
Well I don’t have one yet.

LILLIAN:
Don’t have one? You should have one. All serious actors have one.

DICK:
Terrence.

LILLIAN:
Terrence? Are you a fairy or something? It should be manly. Sexy. Hot. Rod-like. Like Dick.

DICK:
Dick then.

LILLIAN:
Good morning Dick.

DICK:
Good morning Lillian.

They shake hands. When their hands meet
they look away.

LILLIAN:
Never give your real name. Keep it close. You never know when you’re going to be called for a real job.

DICK:
So how do we go about this? Should we practice or something?

LILLIAN:
Never. Real actors don’t choreograph. We go with the truth.

DICK:
So we just do what’s natural?

LILLIAN:
Do I have to teach you everything (Lillian comes a little closer)?

DICK:
No (Dick tries to feign her off)!

LILLIAN:
Come here.
Lillian goes to Dick. They look at each other. Their eyes seem to fall. Now they look at each
other’s lips. They hold hands.
They kiss. A kiss so simple, honest, and true. They fall in love.

DICK:
(Awkwardly) I love you.

LILLIAN:
I…

The door opens. An offstage voice calls them, “Next!”
Now they have to perform.
Lights dim.

END

POST NOTE:
Isn’t it odd how love is so impersonal?

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