Seventy by Seven

SEVENTY BY SEVEN
By BJ CRISOSTOMO

Characters:
Eve
Adam
Cain

(Religious music twisted to a farcical tune is heard as a faint light hits the stage. Adam is reading a copy of the Bible beside Eve who is drinking a glass of wine and has a look of mixed fear and concern— she kind of looks like she’s constipated.)

EVE
(Attempts to start conversation) H-honey.

ADAM
(Avoids talking to Eve)

(This game of cat and mouse goes on for a while.)

EVE
Honey.

ADAM
(Bored) Yes?

EVE
Honey (Touches Adam).

ADAM
(Faces the book at Eve. Scared.) Hon, you know we shouldn’t do that too much after the apple incident.

EVE
(Realizes the miscommunication) What! N-no. Honey, can you drop the Book for a while? I need to talk to you.

ADAM
(Lowers the Book and takes off his glasses) Hon. This is His Word. You know what happened the last time we didn’t listen to Him. We lost our home and we had to move to this 2nd rate apartment. You should read this more often so we won’t get tagged for another Number.

EVE
This is important.

ADAM
Nothing’s more important (goes back to reading).

EVE
(Finally loses her calm) Well we have to talk about it sometime.

ADAM
(Puts down the book) About what?

EVE
About our sons.

ADAM
What about them?

EVE
One of them went missing.

ADAM
(Unconcerned) Did you look for him?

EVE
Yes.

ADAM
And?

EVE
I found him (pauses for breath and then breaks down) dead.

ADAM
(Goes for his Book again) I thought he was missing.

EVE
(Stops her husband) One killed the other.

ADAM
You don’t know that honey.

EVE
For goodness’s sake, the other boy came home with a bloodied rock.

ADAM
(Scoffs) A toy.

EVE
Honey!

ADAM
Okay. He killed him. It will pass. It was just a phase. Boys have phases you know.

EVE
He killed his brother!

ADAM
I didn’t like the kid anyway. For goodness’s sake, you didn’t like the kid.

EVE
Honey!

ADAM
Okay. Okay. I’ll call him and we’ll have a family meeting about it. All this fuss about a murder. Honestly, I don’t see the point with Him around. (Calls to Cain) Son! (to Eve) I mean this will eventually blow over like the Apple thing. He’ll figure out something for the kid. (to Cain) Son! Stop playing video games for a second. Your mother wants to talk to you.

CAIN
(offstage) Which brother?

EVE
Which brother? You of course. There’s no one else. You already killed the other one.

ADAM
There’s no reason to be hysterical like that.

EVE
What kind of morals do you want the kid to have?

ADAM
(Thinks) Good ones.

EVE
You were the one who wanted kids remember? (to Cain) Come up here right this instant.

CAIN
(Enters mad that he was separated from his video games) Yes mother.

EVE
We know what you did.

CAIN
I didn’t do anything.

(Eve stares coldly at her child)

CAIN
Okay. I did it. Guilty as sin.

EVE
Your father wants to tell you something. (To Adam) Go tell him honey.

ADAM
(Caught off guard) What? (In an irresponsible manner) You’re a very very bad boy. (Eve pinches him) You naught boy! (Pinch-pinch) No! Downright sinful boy! You go back to your room. (Looks at Eve for approval. He gets nothing and thinks of something else to say). You’re grounded.

EVE
That’s all? The boy’s a murderer.

ADAM
(Whispers to Eve) Honey, he’s still our son. (Eve kicks Adam’s balls) NO VIDEO GAMES FOR A WEEK!

EVE
(Smiles) Yes. No video games for a week.

CAIN
Mom! Dad! Isn’t that a little too much?

ADAM
Well actually…

EVE
(Catches Adam in mid-sentence)
You broke Number six. No video games.

CAIN
(In lack of words)
W-Well-Well fuck you.

EVE
Fuck me? Number 4.

ADAM
(Covers up Eve’s breasts and pubis)
Fuck her? Number 6. Number 9.

EVE
Goodness son, you’re really upping on the numbers.

CAIN
W-Well (thinking of a retort) before you two screwed up there was only one number. You fucking two just had to fucking eat that fucking apple

ADAM
You know son, that was her fault (referring to Eve)

EVE
(Guiltily)
My fault? The snake did it. Doesn’t it way right there (referring to the Bible)

ADAM
Snake? It wasn’t snake. It wasn’t even an it. It was a he—a six foot masculine long haired naked Italian with a moustache. (Thinking aloud) I wish I had a moustache.

CAIN
So—you fucked another man while you were married with Dad?

ADAM
And we’re supposed to be made for each other

CAIN
(to Eve) What’s the problem then? You did 6 and 9. Before all this I only had one offence and you had two.
EVE
We’re not talking about that right now. You’re changing the topic. (to Adam) He’s obviously changing the topic. Now you come right here you downright sinful boy (drags Cain to her and spanks him with the Bible—not in a naughty way though). Thou shall not kill. Say it.

CAIN
Thou shall not kill (continuous to a mantra)

(Amongst Cain’s screams)

ADAM
You know son the only reason I ate that apple was because she told me that we can do it after them. Really son, I caught the two in the act. Her and her Italian with a moustache (Eve stops). Imagine your mother screaming, (Eve continues, trying to drown out Adam’s voice) “My flaxen Angel. My beautiful man. And O what a man you are!” Imagine your mother screaming like it was her first time.

EVE
It wasn’t my fault. I mean, if He was so almighty and all seeing then why didn’t he stop me?

ADAM
Because you were having too much fun.

CAIN
Then it wasn’t my fault too. Was it mother? He could’ve stopped me too.

ADAM
He got you there.

EVE
Well I am your mother and as your mother, I choose whose fault was what fault. No video games for one week. End of conversation. Go to your room.

ADAM
(Stops Cain as he exits) No. Son, wait a minute. If he gets a spanking plus a video-game ban for one Number then you should get for punishments two Numbers. Isn’t that right son?

CAIN
That’s right father. Naughty girls must be punished like naughty boys.

ADAM
First. We do it tonight and I want you to scream, “My flaxen Angel. My beautiful man. And O what a man you are!” w-with gusto before you climax (counts) thrice.

EVE
But Honey you’re not that good.

ADAM
Live with it. I do.

EVE
Well you’re not the one being poled in with a little stick (notices that Cain is still in the room).

CAIN
Can I give the next?

ADAM
Sure. we both get to give two punishments for two offences.

EVE
(Tries to get on Adam’s good side) Honey.

CAIN
You downright sinful girl, no drinking for a week. No, make it two.

EVE
What!

ADAM
Them’s the rules honey. One more, son.

CAIN
Teach me how to knit.

EVE
Knit?

CAIN
Yes, teach me how to knit so I can give a sweater to that flaxen Angel. Mom, dad—(turning pink) I have something very important to tell you. It’s about who I am inside.

ADAM
I don’t think I want to hear that. Ever.

EVE
That makes two.

ADAM
Well we have three. The final punishment is that y-you talk to Him about this little problem with our boy.

EVE
Hey wait a minute. That’s your job. That’s a man’s job. You’re a man aren’t you?

ADAM
Well apparently, not man enough for you. You need more.

EVE
Okay. I’ll do it.

CAIN
Loving mother and loving father, I have a proposal, Maybe we could not tell Him.

ADAM and EVE
What!

CAIN
He’ll just get mad again

(silence)

ADAM
Maybe we shouldn’t tell him. (Catches up with what he just said) B-but not telling him is a Number I think. There must be a number for not telling Him. Remember what happened to us the last time? I don’t want to move again. It’s hard on my back.

EVE
We’ve already fallen in love with this house. We’re stuck here. We have to. How can we not tell Him?

CAIN
I don’t know. Maybe he won’t notice he’s gone.

EVE
How can he not? We four are the only people in the place.

ADAM
Let’s just tell Him, son. He’ll find out anyway. He always does.

CAIN
Always?

ADAM and EVE
Always.

CAIN
Well, why does he always have to butt in?

ADAM
I don’t know because he’s Him.

EVE
“You are free to eat from every tree except from the one that stands in the middle”

CAIN
What was it with that? You are free…

EVE
Free…

ADAM
Yes, how did He figure out that apple thing?

EVE
I don’t know because there was an apple missing.

CAIN
He counted them?
ADAM and EVE
Everyday.

ADAM
Except Sundays. He rests on Sundays.

CAIN
Tomorrow’s a Sunday. Isn’t it?

EVE
Where are you getting at?

CAIN
It only took one day to make ma. You two can make another one.

ADAM
We can work with that. Can’t we honey?

EVE
Yes I don’t want anything to happen to our little boy.

CAIN
(Coughs) Girl.

EVE
What?

CAIN
Nothing. So we won’t tell Him.

ADAM
No. Last time we lost our house. No telling what he’ll do this time.

EVE
We’ll just pretend nothing happened?

CAIN
Please mommy.

ADAM
Please honey, I don’t want to move again.

EVE
OK. It’s getting late. You should go to bed now. Me and your dad still have work to do.

ADAM
Yes.

CAIN
Shouldn’t we say our prayers?

EVE
Yes we should.

ADAM
We shouldn’t let him get on to us.
EVE
No we shouldn’t.

CAIN
Who’ll lead?

EVE
(to Cain) Can you do it?

(The three kneel and pray the Our Father. They are afraid. Lights dim. Religious music plays.)

CURTAIN

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