Waking Up, Today

waking up, today.

 today i woke up screaming yet i don’t know why i was screaming with tears and sweat mixing down my neck.”tomorrow i’ll be okay,” i said to myself.

dream images running forward and backward through my head. shadows circling my everyday, i walk a certain way because i woke up screaming. “today i woke up screaming,” i said to myself as i piss. screaming wide mouth open, an image kept in my brain as i drove to wherever i was going. sweat. tears. blood. all liquid drained from my carcass,a fear which i keep as i try to sleep.

today i woke up falling from my bed. a crack, i heard as i hit the floor. “tomorrow i’ll be okay,” i said to myself.

falling. falling forward much like running, riding a motorcycle—- a pull of gravity never to stop going forward. home. work. home. work. never stop. home. work. home. work. just fall. fall forward, then finally i hit the floor.

today i woke up breathless. breathless from a dream i don’t remember. breathless with my neck throbbing red. “tomorrow i’ll be okay,” i said to myself.

“tomorrow i’ll be okay,” i said to myself again and again as i made my way through the little this and that of my life. a day in my life: “little this. little that.” and finally, i say to myself, “sleep.”

***

today i woke up strapped to the bed. today i woke up and i found that i could no longger move. today i woke up and i could no longger scream. finally i realized that now, today, this day, i am truly awake, and that tommorrow i will not be okay.

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