PROBABILITY, a love story
Jay Crisostomo IV
The boy opened his eyes again to the world, a blinding light kept his eyes pinched to a close. He was crying but he did not know why. He was so very small, smaller than he was before but he did not know why. Once more he was a baby but he did not know why. He looked through his little fingers, surveying his surroundings, and everything was a mystery. Who are these people he mused, what are they wearing, where am I? He knew nothing but he was still alive, and that he must find her…
He has pulled himself from the karmic circle, from the swirl of fate for one sole purpose.
That target has been seared into his essence and he did not mind living and dying again and again if only to find her. The boy’s soul was not a special one, it was not a soul destined for honor or fame. The soul was just like the boy in his previous life, it was just a soul. But like the boy, his soul was frenzied by the thought of a princess bathing in gemstones. If the snake must bite him once more, then let it ravage him, let him be devoured, he will either break free from the monster’s belly or reconstitute his body from feces. He has committed himself to the one task of seizing his one and only wish. All else does not matter, the world is but a blurred background to his quest. Strange that only in his new life did he find such passion,such willingness to be something, to be more than what he was. He must find the princess, that is all that matters.
“Doctor, the baby seems to be really quiet.”
“Nurse, some infants are like that. They are born thinking. They are born with a purpose.”
“I have never taken you to be a mystic sir.”
“We can be anything we want with our free time.”
Anything we want. The child heard that, and he understood. He can become anything he wanted to be, and he wanted to be next to the princess. This new life would be a blessing, he would try with all his being to be better, to be smarter, to be a deserving partner to the woman that he loved. But it will take time, he thought, he was no more than five seconds alive. It would take a lot of re-growing up but it does not matter. He will carry any burden.
Pain then crossed his bottom, a sharp stinging sensation. He remembered the snake, his dream, and clenched his teeth. He would not cry for them. He could take pain. He would have to. The doctor slapped him again, and then again. And when the doctor was tired the nurse took over. What idiots, the child thought, you can not make me cry, I am full of resolve. And then the commotion started.
A long piercing bleep, a terrible scream, a woeful truth. When something is born, something else must die. Doctors came rushing in and out of the room, he heard a man wail in the background, it was a voice he recognized but he was not sure. That must have been the child’s father. Blood was transfused, perspiration dropped from goggled brows, but nothing could save the woman who gave the boy a second life. Nothing.
The boy was sad for a while but it did not matter. The woman was just a vehicle for his rebirth. All souls return to the creator anyway. It took great effort but he did so anyway, he turned his tiny head to see her dead.
Oh no! Oh no! The boy still remembered how to cry after all. He could still react to real pain, to pain that stings through the very core of the human.
There was no mark, no way of telling, but the baby, the boy knew. The woman on the bed was her. It was her, the princess from the jungle, the woman that he loved. What bliss was it to have shared sustenance with her, to be inside her! What more intimate a relationship between woman and man to be mother and son! But it was again too late, no more than a minute has passed in this new life that the princess has slipped away from from his grasp.
Now the boy would learn to suffer. To live a maudlin life, a life cursed in a world without the woman that he loved, and to know that her death was caused by his birth was the salt rubbing against fresh wound.
The boy’s life after his birth was uneventful. Some would have considered it wasteful. It was the boy’s decision. He just did everything in routine, even his death was pedestrian but it is too soon to go that.
First let us consider a lecture the boy attended as a student in university.
“All events in the world are probable. Even the impossible is possible.”
The bored young man took his eyes off the floor and asked. His teacher was surprised, and so was his classmates. The freak had a voice after all.
“What do you mean, sir?”
“Oh… I’m glad that you’re with us… Mister…”
“It does not matter. What did you mean sir?”
“Nothing is impossible. Imagine a vacuum where time and space have the luxury to repeat themselves. Where characters are free to live and relive life in a loop of infinite time. Why every conceivable effect would come out of a cause. Do you understand how impossible the simple presence of life is? Out of all the atoms, particles, in the vastness of space, the right mix occurred. The right circumstance. Imagine if life was born in the sun. Do you think it was luck?
No. It was fate, the fate of probability.”
That was the one star in the boy’s second existence. Everything is probable. Even the
impossible. He married. He had children. He became rich. He became poor. He became old and feeble. A lot of things happened to the boy but he only held onto that one thought. Everything is probable. And from deep within him he heard a sigh. The occurrence of the impossible is called a miracle. And all miracles come with a price.
You must be cut several times before you reach your destination.
And that was how he died, thinking a thought from a past life, holding a glass of ice tea while watching his great grand children playing in the garden.
to be continued